ADHD and lying: What’s the connection?

The topic of ADHD and lying has been gaining traction lately, especially on social media. But the truth is that lying is not a symptom of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). There isn’t any reliable evidence that people with ADHD are more likely to lie than anyone else. What’s worse, this harmful assertion can lead to increased stigma and discrimination. 

So why do so many people link lying with ADHD? The connection may have something to do with impulse control, which is a common symptom of ADHD. However, it’s important to remember that poor impulse control  is not an excuse for lying, and people living with ADHD are not inherently deceptive.

The connection between impulsivity and lying

Lying is not a symptom of ADHD. But some people with ADHD may rely on lying as a coping mechanism, just like anyone else. This behavior might be more pronounced in people who have trouble controlling their impulses, whether they have ADHD or not. 

We know that living with ADHD can make it tough to regulate your thoughts and behaviors. It can also make certain professional or social situations more difficult. Without a strong menu of healthy coping strategies in place, a person with ADHD might resort to lying to cope in challenging moments. 

For example, many people with ADHD report experiencing something called time blindness. It means that when they get hyper focused on something, they lose track of time. This is not intentional. But it can create problems at work, school, and in personal relationships. 

So if a person with ADHD is late for an appointment because of time blindness, they might be quick to make a false excuse. Rather than stopping to think about how to communicate the reasons for their lateness, their shame and embarrassment about being late might prompt them to lie about why they’re behind. This action represents an impulsive attempt to cover up a mistake, not a character flaw. 

Slowing down and reflecting on the truth of our behaviors takes time and energy. It also takes self-awareness. This can be challenging for anyone, but for someone with ADHD, this time-consuming process can be mentally draining. In a social setting where we must rely heavily on our emotional resources, a person who experiences impulse control issues may be more likely to lie to keep the conversation going or prevent feelings of shame or guilt. 

What to do when your child with ADHD lies  

If your child with ADHD lies frequently, it can negatively affect your mental health and family dynamic. While the only person whose behavior you can fully manage is your own, the following tips can help you navigate your child’s lying:

• Be consistent with schedules. Having a regular routine can help your child navigate transitions that could otherwise lead to impulsive or stress-induced lying. 
• Acknowledge your mistakes. Letting your child know that they aren’t the only one who messes up sometimes can help them feel supported and less alone. This can help reduce the tendency to lie to cover up mistakes.
• Agree on consequences. Make sure that everyone in your household is on the same page about consequences related to lying. This also means following through with consequences, even when it might feel easier to let the lie slide in the moment.
• Celebrate good choices. When your child tells the truth or makes another positive choice, let them know how much you appreciate them.
• Model healthy coping. Let your child witness you navigating stress or disagreements without resorting to lying, yelling, or other unhealthy behaviors.
• Reflect on the lie together. When your child does lie, explore it with them from a place of curiosity rather than consequence. By talking together about their feelings, you are showing them how to slow down and acknowledge their emotions and needs without shame. 

How to stop lying

Everyone lies once in a while. But intuitively, most of us understand that habitual lying can lead to all sorts of negative consequences. There are many good reasons to want to keep your lying in check, and research shows that telling the truth more often can even improve your health. 

So here are some tips for how to lie less:

• Focus on the purpose. Most people don’t want to be intentionally hurtful or deceitful. So consider how you might be using lying as a coping mechanism. What’s really driving the behavior?
• Increase self-awareness. Pay attention to the times and situations when you might feel more compelled to lie. Knowing your triggers ahead of time can help you make a plan to respond differently.
• Reduce impulsivity. Take a deep breath, slow down, and consider counting to 10 when you feel tempted to lie. This might take some patience and practice, but giving yourself some time to think before you respond can help you make a better choice.

How therapy can help

If you struggle with impulse control (because of ADHD or any other reason), you may also develop a pattern of lying to cope. Fortunately, ADHD experts have identified some effective therapies for helping clients reduce their lying:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people become more aware of their habitual lying. It can also help uncover the function of the lies and encourage healthier coping mechanisms.
• Mindfulness practices are a great way to slow down and get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. You can use these skills at times when you may feel compelled to lie, helping you make a different choice in the moment. 

• Behavioral therapies are designed to help people replace unhealthy behaviors with more functional ones. They can also increase awareness of the consequences of lying and support the creation of new, healthier habits.
• Group therapy brings people together who are facing similar challenges. A supportive group setting can help increase accountability for people who may struggle with lying.

Find care with Rula

Everyone lies once in a while. But if you struggle with impulse control because of ADHD or any other reason, you may use lying as a way to cope with stress, shame, or embarrassment. If lying is leading to problems in your personal or professional life, know that you’re not alone and help is available. There are strategies you can practice to reduce your impulsivity and give yourself the tools you need to tell the truth more often.

You might consider seeking help from a therapist, who can help you replace these behaviors with more helpful options. And that’s where Rula comes in. With our therapist-matching platform, you can find a provider who takes your insurance and can meet with you for an online appointment as soon as tomorrow.

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