The emotional toll of ADHD and loneliness

Making new friends may have seemed effortless in elementary school. You could simply walk up to someone and ask, “Do you want to be my friend?” Yet, as we grow older, forming and maintaining new friendships tends to become more difficult, and the struggle to connect can often lead to loneliness.

For people with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), forming and maintaining friendships can be especially challenging. They may have a hard time picking up on subtle social cues, or they may speak impulsively in ways that might come across as rude or inappropriate.

These challenges can create a cycle in which feelings of isolation and lower self-esteem make it even harder to seek out and nurture friendships. However, with support, self-awareness, and therapy, people with ADHD can develop meaningful social connections.

How can ADHD make you feel lonely?

People with ADHD often struggle to connect with others for various reasons. For example, they may fear rejection or worry about feeling overwhelmed in social settings.

ADHD can contribute to loneliness in several ways, including:

• Difficulty making friends: People with ADHD may unintentionally interrupt conversations or seem distant, which can make it harder to form connections.
• Challenges with emotional regulation: People with ADHD often have strong emotional responses that others may misunderstand. If someone with ADHD feels embarrassed by their responses, they might withdraw from social situations.
• Hyperfocus on certain interests: People with ADHD may become deeply absorbed with work or hobbies, sometimes to the point of unintentionally neglecting friendships.
• Past social struggles: Many people with ADHD experienced bullying or rejection or were labeled as “different” while growing up. These experiences can contribute to low self-esteem and anxiety about making new friends at times.
• Challenges in group settings: Rapidly shifting conversations, the need for impulse control, and complex social cues can feel overwhelming. This may leave someone with ADHD feeling like they don’t quite fit in.

Loneliness can also intensify the symptoms of ADHD, leading to anxiety or depression. Research also shows that persistent feelings of loneliness can contribute to increased stress, insomnia, and a weakened immune system.

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Effects of loneliness on people with ADHD

Loneliness can be difficult for anyone, but, for people with ADHD, it can have an even greater impact on mental and emotional well-being. 

Because ADHD already tends to affect self-esteem, emotions, and social skills, loneliness can intensify these challenges, leading to:

• Increased anxiety and depression: Research indicates that loneliness can increase the risk of depression in people with ADHD.
• More intense rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), which causes even perceived rejection to result in overwhelming emotional pain. 
• Lower self-esteem: Studies indicate that people with untreated ADHD have lower self-esteem than their peers. 
• Emotional dysregulation: ADHD can make it difficult to manage emotions, which may intensify feelings of loneliness.
• Hyperfocus on unhealthy coping mechanisms: Some people with ADHD hyperfocus on social media, gaming, or other solitary activities, unintentionally creating isolation. Others may engage in impulsive behaviors like binge eating, substance use, or reckless spending as coping mechanisms.

Ways to deal with loneliness

Managing loneliness — especially for people with ADHD — involves building self-awareness, improving social skills, and seeking support when needed.

Here are some practical strategies to deal with loneliness: 

1. Join ADHD-friendly communities. Connecting with other people who understand your experiences can be incredibly helpful. The nonprofit Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), as well as other programs, offer a variety of free in-person and virtual support groups.
2. Seek professional support. Using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), people with ADHD can learn how their thoughts influence their behaviors, develop healthy coping strategies, and manage their symptoms more effectively.
3. Use a calendar or planner. Because working memory is often impaired by ADHD, writing down friends’ birthdays, social plans, and appointments can improve your organization and time-management skills while helping you maintain social connections.
4. Practice communication skills. People with ADHD may unintentionally interrupt others or dominate conversations — especially when they feel anxious or excited. Working with a therapist can help you develop active listening skills, improve your ability to read social cues, and manage impulsivity during conversations.
5. Consider volunteering. Volunteering can help people with ADHD focus intensely on tasks that genuinely interest them. It’s also a great way to meet people while supporting a good cause.
6. Foster or adopt a dog. Not only do dogs provide unconditional love and companionship, but they also help reduce stress and serve as great conversation starters during walks. Plus, research suggests that dogs may help people with ADHD improve their focus.
7. Practice mindfulness. Techniques like deep-breathing exercises, meditation, and yoga can promote calm, reduce anxiety, and help you regulate your emotions in challenging social situations.
8. Get creative. If you love painting, photography, or crafting, consider taking a class. Not only will you meet people who share your interests, but studies show that engaging in creative activities can also improve your mood and have a calming effect. Another survey found that art therapy helped people with ADHD channel excess energy and improve their concentration. 
9. Share openly with your social circle. If you have trouble maintaining contact with friends or have other symptoms of ADHD that affect your relationships, let your friends know it’s not personal. It’s just how your brain works. Explaining your ADHD symptoms can give them a better understanding of the challenges you face.

Find care with Rula

Loneliness can take a toll on both our physical and mental health. Friendships enrich our lives, provide purpose, and even have health benefits that can help us live longer. If you have ADHD and struggle with making or maintaining friendships, you’re not alone and help is available. A therapist can support you in building social skills, managing anxiety, and overcoming feelings of isolation.

At Rula, we can connect you with a therapist who specializes in treating ADHD and can help you learn how to make and maintain friendships. With our extensive network of over 10,000 providers, you can find a therapist who can meet with you via live video as soon as tomorrow.

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