How to improve eye contact with ADHD

Eye contact, in most Western cultures, is a sign of confidence. Despite it not being an official symptom, many people with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) report having difficulty with maintaining eye contact, which may negatively impact interpersonal relationships and how others perceive you. A lack of eye contact could make it harder to form relationships or succeed in school or professionally. 

Fortunately, if you have ADHD and want to improve your eye contact, it’s a skill just like any other — you can practice it until you are satisfied with the results.

Why is it hard to make eye contact with ADHD?

Difficulty with eye contact isn’t recognized as a symptom of ADHD. Regardless, many people with ADHD report that they have a hard time maintaining eye contact, which can negatively affect their social skills. 

If this has been your experience, there are many possible explanations. It could be that the brain differences associated with ADHD make it harder to maintain eye contact. It may also be due to co-occurring conditions, like anxiety, that make eye contact uncomfortable for you (even if you’re physically able to do it). 

Getting distracted

Part of why it can be hard for people with ADHD to make and maintain eye contact is because of symptoms of inattention and distractibility. 

Especially if you live with inattentive or combined-type ADHD, external stimuli can easily distract you. For example, you might hear a noise and find your focus drifting toward its source. You might see something out of the corner of your eye and shift your attention to that distraction. Even though shifting focus to external stimuli is common, people with inattentive or combined-type ADHD may do this more frequently or have a harder time reorienting themselves back into the conversation. 

This could make it more challenging to sustain any attention on the person you’re interacting with, much less maintain eye contact with them. You might not be intentionally avoiding eye contact, but simply that you get distracted from doing so. 

Focusing too much on the eyes

For some people, keeping eye contact is a challenge. For others, they keep too much eye contact, which can also impact social interactions.

One study found children with ADHD actually kept direct eye contact for a longer time, especially when they were looking at angry faces. In other words, they became “stuck” on eye contact. They were also less likely to be able to move on from focusing on the other person’s eyes when it was time to — they weren’t able to shift their focus to other parts of the person’s face, like their mouths. 

Effective eye contact isn’t just about fixating on the other person’s eyes. It’s about being able to gather information and feedback using the eyes as well as other parts of their face. Being able to look away when appropriate is also key to effective social skills. Although these social skills can vary across cultures and are person dependent, it’s only ineffective if you’re noticing that it’s hindering your ability to engage with others based on the situation.

Brain differences in processing eye gaze

People with ADHD may also have different brain patterns that can make it harder for them to maintain eye contact. Studies have found that adults with ADHD show notable differences in their brain activity when processing direct eye gaze. Because of these brain differences, people with ADHD might misunderstand social situations and have trouble interpreting the intentions or emotions behind someone’s gaze. 

Social anxiety

Lastly, people with ADHD often experience co-occurring anxiety disorders, including social anxiety. If you live with both ADHD and anxiety, you may feel uncomfortable or nervous making eye contact with others.

For example, people with social anxiety disorder may struggle with eye contact because they hate to be the center of attention. They have deep-seated fears about being judged or humiliated, and maintaining eye contact could trigger these fears.  

How does eye contact avoidance differ between ADHD and autism?

People with autism — another neurodevelopmental condition that frequently co-occurs with ADHD — may also have trouble with eye contact. But their experience tends to come from an instinctive discomfort with looking directly at others. 

Research shows that many autistic people might avoid eye contact without even realizing it and prefer averted gaze instead — even when they’re not consciously aware of the faces in front of them. This means that their avoidance isn’t just a choice; it’s more of an automatic response to how they handle social situations. As a result, they might seem uninterested or distant, even when that’s not the case.

On the flip side, people with ADHD generally don’t shy away from eye contact because they dislike it. Their challenges usually stem from issues with paying attention, which can make it hard for them to maintain steady eye contact. They may glance away or get distracted — not because they want to disengage, but because their focus can easily wander. So, while they want to and are trying to connect, their impulsivity and distractibility can get in the way.

Both ADHD and autism bring their own unique challenges when it comes to making and maintaining eye contact. Understanding these distinctions can help both groups feel more supported in their social lives.

Six tips to improve eye contact for someone with ADHD

Even if ADHD makes it tough to maintain eye contact, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a big issue. Like many aspects of ADHD, challenges with eye contact might be more concerning for those who are neurotypical than for you. If you’re around people who understand neurodiversity and show empathy, these challenges can feel less like a problem and more like a unique part of who you are.

Additionally, the importance and benefit of eye contact depends heavily on cultural context. For example, people from Asian cultures are more likely to perceive someone who makes direct eye contact as angry or unapproachable. So it would be wrong to assume that improving eye contact should always be the goal.  

However, if you’re finding that a lack of eye contact is negatively affecting your social relationships, and you want to work on improving this skill, there are several ways to do so. 

• Practice gradual exposure. Start by making eye contact for brief moments during conversations and gradually increase the duration as you feel more comfortable. If you experience social anxiety, avoiding eye contact can actually make your fears feel worse. Facing your fears slowly can help you build confidence over time.
• Role-play with friends or family. Engage in casual conversation with trusted friends or family members who understand your challenges. Role-playing can provide a safe space to practice making eye contact without the pressure of judgment and help you feel more at ease when interacting with others in real-life situations.
• Use mirrors for practice. Practicing eye contact in front of a mirror can help you get used to the act of looking at someone’s eyes. This can also help you observe your own facial expressions and allow you to become more aware of how you present yourself when you’re making eye contact.
• Focus on the person’s face instead of their eyes. People with ADHD can also focus too much on the eyes. Try briefly focusing on different parts of the person’s face, such as their eyebrows or mouth. This can ease the pressure of eye contact while still allowing you to engage in the conversation and connect with the other person.
• Check for other neurodevelopmental conditions. ADHD can co-occur with other conditions like autism, which may contribute to eye contact difficulties. Working with a mental health provider can help you get an accurate diagnosis. 
• Explore ADHD treatment options. Treatment for ADHD can significantly reduce symptoms of inattention and impulsivity, which may be contributing to your difficulties with eye contact. Working with a healthcare provider to find the right medication or behavioral strategies can help.

Find care with Rula

Life with ADHD can be a challenge, especially if your symptoms or behaviors are impacting relationships. A therapist can help you learn how to both accept yourself as you are and work on adopting healthier behaviors that help you get closer to the life you want to live. 

Through Rula, 120 million individuals are eligible to receive therapy covered by insurance. We boast a network of 10,000+ licensed therapists with expertise in over 80 clinical specialties, including ADHD.

Start Rula today